By: Daniella Mendez, Senior Peer Services Coordinator

We enter Pride month at a time when LGBTQ+ rights are under attack across the state and country. We enter pride month at a time when over half of LGBTQ+ youth are struggling with their mental health. We enter pride month at a time when LGBTQ+ folks on a recovery journey need direct support more than ever before. It has never been more important for LGBTQ+ stories of hope to be highlighted. It has never been more important for the resilience of our community to take center stage.

With that, I will share a few excerpts from my book of life that demonstrate anything is possible with hope.

I write this today as the first trans woman elected in New Jersey, Senior Peer Services Coordinator at Prevention is Key, a Founding Cabinet member of Emerge NJ, and a board member of the Mental Health Association. The journey to get here has been long and bumpy.

My mom was a person struggling with substance use and unable to be present as she navigated her own recovery journey. One of the few memories I have of my childhood in my mom’s custody was of her being robbed at gunpoint of all the money she planned to buy Christmas gifts with as she went shopping in Paterson. My dad chased fast money and women. Leaving my grandma with the responsibility to raise me. My grandma had already raised her children and was on a fixed income. She did the best she could to provide a roof over our heads and keep food on the table.

I was alone in navigating school and had unknown feelings related to my gender identity. I was different from all my age peers. I often feared going to school. I developed major anxiety. I started to numb the thoughts in my head with sex, drugs, and alcohol. Eventually, I made the decision to drop out of high school. After dropping out I met a group of trans women and non-binary folks who empowered me to explore my gender identity.

With a better understanding of who I was, I began my studies in social work. What could go wrong? Well, I quickly became overwhelmed. The same anxiety from high school started creeping up on me. Thankfully, I met an English professor who showed me kindness and empowered me to push through.

With this renewed energy I made a promise to myself to become a creator of change. A leader who would advocate for change so future generations had the resources to navigate many of the same struggles I had, successfully. This commitment led me to create safe spaces on the college campus.

A few years after college I competed for the title of Miss Gay NJ and won. I was able to use that platform to travel around the state advocating for folks affected by HIV/AIDS. I was able to offer folks hope and healing through performance art. The pieces of my puzzle were falling into place. Then in 2019 as I hosted the Miss Gay NJ Pageant I was brutally attacked by multiple people on stage. I was stabbed and suffered a broken nose. The worst part of all this is most people that I called friends just stood by and watched this happen. In the days and weeks that followed I fell into a depression. I lost all trust in humanity. I lost sight of my commitment to be a creator of change.

I decided to live a simpler life and entered the world of retail management. After leaving the entertainment scene and living a quieter life I couldn’t help but feel like something was missing.

And BOOM!

The world stopped due to the Covid 19 pandemic. I was faced with the reality of being alone with my thoughts for weeks and months as the world seemed to be on fire. Suddenly, the thought of that commitment to be a creator of change crept back up. How could I possibly pave the way for change in a Covid world?

There was an open seat on my local school board. Although I knew it was a long shot, I threw my hat in the ring. When I faced the board, I was told I was unqualified. As a trans woman, I am used to being forced to work 10x harder to be taken half as seriously as my cis counterparts. So, I hit the streets of my community and ran a successful campaign. My community placed their trust in me, and I became the first openly trans woman elected in NJ.

Amid all this, a mentor told me about an agency making a positive impact in communities across New Jersey. Of course, I thought it was a long shot, but I applied.  I showed up at the Prevention is Key offices for my interview and entered a bustling office with vibrant staff. There was a woman at the front desk with beautiful red hair and I thought she looked familiar. Turns out I met her when I worked in retail. Such a small world. In that moment I knew the universe brought me there for a reason. Prevention is Key has allowed me to continue supporting folks like my mom who struggled with substance use. On a day-to-day basis, I can contribute to our motto of “Every person, Every day.” The leadership of Prevention is Key has empowered me and my colleagues to disrupt the status quo and create bold and innovative ways to support LGBTQ+ folks on a recovery journey.

As the piece de resistance, the board that I was elected to has an annual reorganization meeting and at this meeting in 2023, the board unanimously elected me to be their leader. Think about that, the very board that told me I was unqualified unanimously elected me their leader a year later.

I hope everyone reading and specifically LGBTQ+ folks feel a sense of hope. My story is one of resilience. Statistically speaking I shouldn’t be here today. My world came crumbling down many times. Yet, I continued to forge a path forward.

Let this serve as a reminder that anything is possible with hope.

You are resilient!

You are worthy!

If no one else has told you today, please know that:

I see you!

I hear you!

Love and Light,

Daniella M.